- Pain: 3/10
- Inconvenience: 6/10
I went back to work today. It was exhausting. Allow me to describe my job to you:
- I sit in a really comfortable chair all day
- I attempt to break servers located all over the globe (we call it “Quality Engineering”–the idea is, if we break it before the customer has a chance to, we can remedy those weaknesses and ship a more robust product)
I haven’t had to focus for more than a few hours here and there for the past couple weeks, so today completely defeated me. I had a headache for the better part of the day and my jaw kept trying to break out of my face. I blame my headache on these junky old CRT monitors we still have in the office. Why we don’t have LCDs is beyond me–I’m almost at the point where I’m willing to buy one myself just so I don’t have to stare at a device that still derives meaning from the term “refresh rate”.
I sent a building-wide email when I arrived this morning about how I was unable to speak, just so people wouldn’t think I was being rude. I guess I accidentally included my boss’s bosses from the company’s headquarters down on the east coast of the United States as well, because I received a few “Get Well Soon” emails from people I’ve never met or spoken to. I should really learn mailing lists before I use them. It reminds me of the time when I sent a random email to all 4000+ engineering students at my university a few years back when I was trying to set a mail server up. And they say I’m not professional… My email seems to have worked though, because most of my colleagues just gave me approving nods when they bumped into me. Success.
I ate alone today, upstairs in the relaxation room that nobody uses. I sat down on a comfortable leather couch and proceeded to drink 2 Ensure chocolate drinks and a glass of water. I didn’t want to subject my coworkers to all my slurping noises. I think I’ll be eating up there for awhile, or at least until I feel dignified enough to join the others. I was starving throughout the entire day, though, so I’m going to have to start bringing blended Chunky soups and heating them up.
You sound like Kermit the Frog.
I moved back home yesterday and I must say: I quite enjoy the independence. I think my roommate is finding it a little awkward to have me back without the luxury of simple communication, though. He told me I sound like Kermit the Frog when I speak. I’m not sure if that’s an improvement from Donald Duck or not.
I have big news, though, circa last night when I finally decided to boycott the syringe lifestyle! I can drink from a cup now! It’s slow and requires unwavering concentration, but it works! I haven’t used a syringe in 24 hours now! Granted, it’s still incredibly difficult. I have an exercise for you, just so you can spend a moment in my shoes:
- Go fill a cup with your favorite drink
- Stick a ball of rolled up paper towel in the roof of your mouth to simulate my friendly splint
- Bite together as hard as you possibly can
- Now attempt to drink whatever is in your cup without parting your teeth, without using your tongue, and without the ability to suck the liquid into the back of your mouth
It’s hard, isn’t it? If it still seems easy, you’re doing it wrong.
I’ve been getting a lot of tingly sensations and sharp little pains shooting through my lower jaw and down through my chin. I guess that means certain sections of the nerves are regaining consciousness.
I was also feeling a little cold last night, so I lit a few candles to warm my room up. I forgot, however, that I couldn’t blow them out because my mouth is forced shut. I quickly learned that if you position a candle properly, you can exhaust it with air from your nose. Noted.
Lastly, let’s chat about my sleep last night. I was dead to the world from 1-6 am–that’s 5 hours straight! A new record! However, I had that silly dream where you show up at work naked and you’ve forgotten all your keys at home so you can’t find your clothes. I guess I must have been nervous to come back. No worries though, I definitely remembered to wear pants once I was actually awake.