- Pain: 1/10
- Inconvenience: 5/10
See that sad excuse for facial hair, hiding under my lip? People call that a soul patch. It was popular during the 50s and 60s among jazz trumpeters because it provided comfort in the presence of a trumpet’s mouthpiece. I, however, do not play trumpet, nor do I live in the 60s, nor do I like soul patches. Why is it there, then? Well, I can’t get my razor up under my big, puffy lip, so it shall remain there until I can accomplish that so-called menial task again one day.
Today marks the end of my 4th week post op. That means I’m officially allowed to return to work. Let’s all be a team here and not tell my doctor that I’ve been working for 2 weeks already. Shhh.
I’d like to offer a tip for those who are lucky enough to go through the jaw surgery experience in the future. It’s a simple tip: surround yourself with good friends. You may be beaten up and exhausted for the first 2-3 weeks, but after that you’ll want to at least have people to talk to and walk around with. Call people, get outside, and make sure you have a little bit of fun despite your non-eating state. I promise you one thing: it will make your recovery days go by a lot more quickly.
Friends have now started to make special soups for me. I’m not talking about the “special brownie” kind of special, but rather the “they’re-making-soup-for-me-because-I’m-a-poor-starving-child” type of special. Yesterday I was blessed with both split pea and ham along with chicken noodle, both homemade. I’m thinking of writing a breakup letter to Campbell’s to end it before things become too serious.
I was invited to a barbecue in the park yesterday. The weather was beautiful and the sky was blue, so I really had no excuse other than the fact that I couldn’t eat, play football, or play soccer with the people there, so I’d have to spend the entire time sitting and trying to speak in an understandable manner. I didn’t go, so the person who invited me called and yelled “NO SOUP FOR YOU!” into the phone. That made me laugh, which in turn made me smile, which in turn hurt because of, ya’know, that whole braces-cutting-into-my-stitches thing I’ve got going on.
Both of my elastics snapped quite early yesterday, while I was yelling about President Obama’s Prolonged Detention policy to someone in my car. I figured that I should only be required to replace them once per day, so I was able to enjoy the majority of my day without my teeth being forged shut. It was incredible! I could talk a bit more clearly! I could drink quite a bit faster! I could move my jaw back and forth, and side-to-side! I could sing! I could dance! But alas, I could not eat.
I leave you today with a new date idea. This would only work for a girl who’s not afraid to be slightly embarrassed. The idea was spawned when my friend and I were in Best Buy and decided to sit down and watch a movie for a few minutes (which later turned into 30 minutes). Anyway, take your friend, girlfriend, fiance, wife, whoever, really, and make some popcorn, grab a couple cans of pop and head over to your neighborhood Best Buy. Find the setup with the comfy chairs (usually with cup holders), surround sound and the huge “latest and greatest” TV. Restart whatever movie they have playing, sit down, and enjoy the fact that you’re not only about to have a completely free movie date, but you also get to entertain that date with all the newest technology.
Disclaimer: The aforementioned date may only prove to be successful if both parties involved are as odd as myself. Side effects may include being forcefully removed from the premises, having to sit through a terrible movie, or missing the final (and important) 10 minutes of the show due to the store closing. Your experience may vary.