Day 64: It’s Time To Start Chewing Again

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Today’s mugshot is delivered straight from my comic-ridden office!

I was in a rush to go surprise my orthodontist with a visit this morning, so I forgot to take a mugshot at home. As a result, I give you a photo of myself hard at work, compliments of the less than desirable camera on my cell phone. “Are your walls plastered with comics?”, you ask, curious about all of the important documents I have pinned up. Why yes, yes they are. I can’t stand boring, old cubicles, so I choose to turn mine into an A.D.D. playground. At my last job, I filled my office with plants and posters. This time, comics came to my rescue. I read the following 4 comics daily:

I stumbled into my orthodontist’s office at 8:00 am. The wire fixated to my top teeth has been stuck in my cheek for over a week, and I was unable to bend it or trim it myself. I feel a little uneasy about sticking wire cutters into the very back of mouth, where I cannot see, and attempting to clip off some excess metal. I was also having extreme difficulty eating because every time I moved my mouth to chew, a little more of my cheek would get scraped off. So, taking the intelligent route, I went to visit my orthodontist. She informed me that my top wire had actually shifted by about 3 mm, which means that same length of stainless steel was embedded in my cheek. After adjusting it, she added something called a stopper onto one end, essentially preventing it from moving again. I feel much better already, and I have big plans to eat tonight.

Taking advice from other jaw surgery survivors, I’m going to start eating at least one meal per day properly. Since I don’t want to wake up earlier for breakfast or make people feel awkward at work during lunch, I’m going to choose dinner. I’ve realized that if I don’t start chewing properly now, I may never be able to do it again. So take note: I’m officially on a mission to eat like a human being once again. It took me a full hour to power through half a bowl of split pea soup last night. I also ate 2 pieces of toast this past weekend, at the hefty price of 45 minutes of my time. Friends, I’ll be unavailable for the next few weeks since my evenings will be devoted solely to feeding.

I spent some time at a local lake for May Long Weekend (Canadians are given the last Monday on or before May 24 every year off to celebrate the Queen’s birthday). While my friends sat around a fire and delighted in big, juicy steaks, barbecued chicken breasts, large strips of bacon and scrambled eggs, I partook in blended soup. This is yet another reason why I need to start chewing as soon as possible.

Just to assure you all that I’m completely crazy, I had a dream in which I was Mario running through Bowser’s castle the other night. Apparently I have an obsession.


  1. Hmmmmm, a door has been opened. Graham, you MUST tell us about your antics – it’s impossible to leave it alone now! *tap tap tap*…..waiting!!

  2. Haha, shhhhh! The world doesn’t need to know about my crazy adventures as a youngin’!

    And tell that 5 year old that I’m coming over for dinner as soon as I’m comfortable eating again! I like that little guy. I have big aspirations to be his favorite uncle one day. 🙂

  3. And, if you ever want to run through Bowsers castle…I have a 5 year old who would pay you to come and play Mario with him!

  4. Hey Graham…why don’t you tell everyone the death defying act you preformed to bust your heel…silly boy. Although, I must admit, I sure never heard you complain…about your heel or your jaw…you are my hero…I like to complain…a little bit at least 🙂

  5. Well, I never attained a full range of motion in that foot ever again, but I’m able to play sports and run, so I’m happy.

  6. Graham – Ouch!!!! When I was doing my knee rehab there was a guy at physio who cracked his heel like you. He did not look like he was having fun at all. I always wondered if he would heal completely.

  7. Cottage cheese, good call. I love that stuff! Most people I know think it’s subpar, but they’re clearly mistaken. 😉

    I also shattered my heel back in 2004. The doctor said there were 6 cracks in my left heel and 2 cracks in my left ankle. I was on crutches and in a wheelchair for 6 months, then limping for 2 years. I was only able to run painlessly again just last year.

    The human body is an incredible machine. We break it, we tear it, we push it to extremes, and it still manages to bounce back. Thankfully.

  8. Food suggestion that just occurred to me – Cottage Cheese! That’s a good one because you can mash it and it’s soft enough to chew with relative ease to get your masseters in fighting form!

  9. Y’all inspire me. I just have to say that. Rather than just sit back and take the hand you’ve been dealt, you’re striving to move forward, be better, do more.

    You all ROCK.

  10. After a serious motorcycle accident back in 89, I had to relearn to walk again after injuring my back. I deal with it everyday but now, I rarely even think about the pain because I’ve dealt with it for so long. I’m no stranger to rehab, but I will say that the less you do when you SHOULD do it, the more you’ll pay for it later because it just won’t work right. You go, girl! You’re gonna kick some serious butt! 🙂

  11. You’ll get there Aimee, I promise.

    You’re right about the no pain, no gain. I learned that through the rehab from my knee operation. The physio was brutal. I’ve seen football players cry from the pain (and I of course cried during physio as well). They just pull a curtain around you and leave you to it until you do what you’re supposed to (i.e. attain a certain range of motion). I quickly learned to make progress you have to take many baby steps. One leads to the other. Next thing you know you’re at the finish line.

  12. I think this is fantastic! No pain, no gain, right Audra? It’s the only way you’ll relearn, and what a way to do it, with a greasy, slimy gut bomb burger….PERFECTION! LOL Kudos to you for hangin’ in and just going for it. I’m so jealous! lol

  13. I’m happy to hear that you are trying to eat again. Getting that wire clipped probably helped a lot. Those little buggers hurt a lot!

    I had McDonald’s last night. Quarter pounder with cheese and fries. I only got through half the fries because they were a pain to try to chew. But I ate the whole burger. My jaw was sore from trying to open my mouth wide enough to bite it (YES, I bit into it, rather than breaking pieces off!!!!). It was disgusting and so good at the same time. Of course I did NOT chew thoroughly and it was really awkward and slow, but that’s how we progress right?

  14. That’s great news, Graham! You’re on your way, how exciting. I’m jealous! Mmmmmm, pasta. Mine tasted great blended! LOL Can’t wait to hear!

  15. @Daniel: That comic is hilarious. I can sense that kind of work ethic in certain people these days too. 😮

    @Aimee: Eating was so much easier with my wire fixed today! Twice as fast! Tomorrow… I’m finally going to make some pasta. Very. Freaking. Excited!

  16. Wow – that’s a good one, Jawnomnom

  17. You should also be a Daisy Owl fan:

  18. I was going to say that I also like Wondermark – I put this one up at the entrance to my cube when I go on lunch:

  19. Maybe including the chicken in the recipe will be a good thing then, for your weight and for the chewiness.

    Best of luck on your brave new endeavor to eat like a human! (My wife says I’ve yet to master it…)

  20. A few months ago, my top wire moved on me and was poking into the back of my mouth. When I went to the ortho, they had to REALLY look to see what was giving me trouble. It’s amazing what a tiny piece of wire will do to us!!

    Glad you’re on a mission – good luck, I can’t wait to hear the progress! You’re gonna do great!!!!!

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