Day 33: Free Checkups In Walmart

  • Pain: 0/0
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

Sadness ensues.

So I was at Walmart yesterday to pick up a few things and I stumbled upon their display of ridiculously large boxes of Smarties. I decided to take a photo with yet another awesome part of life that I’m unable to enjoy at the moment. I’m trying to look sad in the picture, in case my facial expression isn’t doing this shot justice.

I also ran into another facial surgeon during my shopping spree! I was standing in the oatmeal aisle, as you do, and a random man looked at me and said, “Orthognathic surgery, eh?” as he passed by. I knew he was different than the rest because, rather than just looking at me funny every time I tried to speak, he actually delivered the medical term for the operation I went through. I bumped into him again a few minutes later (when I finally found the oatmeal; it’s like he knew where I was going) and he asked me how the numbness in my chin was. After a brief conversation, I found out he’s friends with my surgeon, and he assured me that I was looking good for being 5 weeks into recovery. I received a free check-up in Walmart! Something like that can only be exciting for a victim of this life choice.

My recovery is coming along very nicely. I’m at the point now where I’m ready to remove the splint and get on with my life. A few days ago, I still didn’t feel up to the task of being normal again, but today, I’m finally there.

“I can say ‘sit’ without the extra ‘H’!”

I’m able to talk quite clearly now. I can hold understandable conversations on the phone and I’m even able to laugh and smile a little bit. In fact, I can now say the word “sit” without turning it into “s*it”! This is a breakthrough, I assure you!

It no longer hurts too badly when I yawn. I suppose all the forced stretching that the act of yawning invoked on my jaw has given it enough mobility to accommodate my perpetual state of sleepiness. I appreciate the boost in movement.

I keep hearing about certain people whose surgeries are being delayed for a number of different reasons. I’d like you all to know that I feel your pain. I waited for my own surgery for several years, but between stubborn teeth, an ever-growing jaw and a lack of operating space in the hospitals, it took an extremely long time for me to be blessed with an operation date. Trust me, once you receive your date and go through with the surgery, you’ll wonder why you were so anxious to dive into this life.

Oh, and heads up. Apparently when you microwave a certain grade of plastics (ie. plastic water bottles), a chemical very similar in structure to that of estrogen is released. So far, it has affected New Zealand mud snails. Uh oh…


  1. Hi o/
    I’m on day 10 of my recovery from double jaw surgery 🙂 actually felt full for the first time today 🙂 its really fun to read this and compare to my own recovery

  2. Graham you poor soul, you had a VERY rough go when you underwent this surgery four years ago. I am currently on day 33 of double jaw surgery to correct a canter and to realign my jaw and make my bite fit together better. The first two weeks did totally suck, I think that regardless of what type of surgery you get (even wisdom teeth), the first 7-16 days just genuinely..suck. There is no other way around it. After doing months and months of research I figured it would be months before I would be able to eat normally again, open my jaw, talk; all that fun stuff. I am happy to report that at just one month after surgery I was given the all clear to “resume a normal diet over the course of the next two weeks”. I had chicken wings. Chicken wings! I’m not pushing it but he said by the end of the two weeks I should be able to eat almost everything again. I had feeling in my lips, cheeks, nose and lower jaw (and gums) almost immediately after surgery and the only place I still haven’t regained feeling is my top gums. Everyones experience is obviously going to be extremely different but I felt it was my duty to post this so people know there is hope for a quicker recovery. Regardless of whether you heal fast or take a series of months to get close to ‘normal’, you will get through it as everyone assures you.

    Thanks a lot Graham for keeping me sane and entertained over the last month (and mentally preparing me in the months before hand). You made those darkest days a little easier to get through. I hope this blog continues to help people as it has clearly helped so many people already 🙂 You’re a saint. Take care and I hope life is treating you well.

    • Hailey, perhaps you’re just tougher than I am! I’m happy to hear you’re getting back to a regular lifestyle so quickly. It sounds like the majority of people heal more quickly than I did, so perhaps it’s suitable that this blog has ended up preparing people for the worse, if only so they can rejoice when their recovery takes less time. Thank you for the kind words and I hope you get to eat chicken wings for many days to come! =)

  3. My mom went through a phase where she was OBSESSED with Canada and used to hop over the border for smarties and pickle flavored chips. It all felt very exotic 😛

  4. No smarties!? @ jawnomnom.. Do you mean jaffas?

    I was naughty and snuck some pineapple lumps (choc covered pineapple flavoured chewy yummy goodness!) the other day.. Didn’t stick to the braces *toooooooo* much ;D

  5. Its been long, i did not eat smarties. Im definitely gonna tell dad to buy me a box. I cant chew but i guess smarties need no chewing.

  6. Glad I finally earned your approval. 🙂

  7. This is the best picture you’ve posted. Well played.

  8. @Peter: I *did* know that. What a sad state of affairs…

    @jawnomnom: I dunno, I look like a chipmunk these days, so it’s not too tough to tell I had *some* kind of surgery.

    @Doug: I’m pretty sure you wrote that comment while you were sitting right beside me.

  9. Dude, thanks for the smoothie today! It was delicious! I was feeling kinda bad for you in the whole not eating people food opposed to the baby version! That whole chewing thing is pretty sweet! I think I will eat some smarties in your honour this week!

    Well I should go now and play frisbee with you or something! Hopefully its fun! I’ll let you know later.

  10. Ah, Smarties. I used to have a UK hookup for those orangey-tasting chocolate bits along with mint Aeros. No longer. :/

    I love that you ran into an oral surgeon and that he knew that you had surgery, not that you were in a Quasimodo costume or something.

  11. definitelynotpeter

    April 24, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    Did you know they don’t have Smarties in the States?

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