Day 34: Fully Loaded Man

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

I finally bought a Rubik’s Cube. It took me 24 years, but I found one (not that I’ve been actively searching for that long). It’s coming to work with me tomorrow and I’m going to learn how to solve it. I know there are a few simple algorithms you can follow to solve these little boxes of joy in mere seconds, and I want to know them. So, dear Rubik’s Cube, you shall have your 6 colors gracefully aligned within the next 24 hours. Get ready.

I have some exciting news! The other night when I was at Walmart, I weighed myself. I do odd little things like that in Walmart–weight myself, play ping pong, ride bikes around, watch TV, play Nintendo Wii, and so on. I figure if they have all these toys sitting there unchained, they deserve to be tried out.

…So I weighed myself. (Sorry, my A.D.D. sends me on constant tangents.) I have officially gained 5 pounds back! I was hoping the change would be a bit more drastic than that, but it’s a start. I have no intention of trying to put weight back on until I have the go ahead to be crazy again. My goal is to gain at least 20 lbs back within my first month of activity. It sounds a little extreme, but I think it’s possible.

My swelling still hasn’t disappeared completely. It’s going down a little bit each day, but if I talk a lot, which is becoming quite a common occurrence, my cheeks puff up like a chipmunk’s. I can actually feel the ball of swelling in them, primarily in the right one. Swelling is noticeable due to a buildup of lymphatic fluid in the affected area. It’s somewhat unsettling to think about a ball of pus floating around in my cheek. I’m definitely looking forward to the day when I’m able to talk without having to deal with the swollen consequences.

A friend who was over yesterday was watching me prepare my dinner. Preparation follows this rigid procedure:

  • Open 2 cans of Chunky soup and spread their contents among 4 Magic Bullet cups
  • Add ~10 pieces of spinach to each cup
  • Fill each cup to the brim with whole milk
  • Proceed to blend all 4 cups
  • Once blended, pour the pureed goodness into a pot and heat it like a normal person would cook soup
  • While the soup is heating up, wash all 4 cups so you can drink the soon-to-be warm soup out of them
  • Pour cooked soup back into the 4 cups and enjoy (along with a glass of prune juice and a blended Dairy Queen Blizzard)

He told me I should be a Magic Bullet sales person. Whenever I think of sales, however, my mind immediately drifts to the Shamwow and Slap Chop legend, Vince Schlomi. And let’s be honest: nobody can compete with that man. Nobody.

To end on a happy (and manly) note, I’ll leave you with another excellent commercial that has truly touched my heart: Campbell’s Chunky Fully Loaded Man.


  1. Greetings, Graham!

    I’m on day 34 today. I just read your blog entry and am relieved that you also had swelling from talking! lol I thought I was going crazy when I would feel swelling.

    I’m also working hard to gain back weight. I lost nearly 20 pounds after my surgery. Thankfully the weight loss has stopped and I’m holding at my current weight.

    Thanks again for this wonderful blog!

    • Bret, I remember being quite surprised at how much swelling would return on days when I spoke a lot. Rest assured, the swelling does eventually go away completely, so it’s only a matter of time. Good luck gaining your weight back!

  2. Nope no KD to be found. Well actually that’s a lie, you can find it but you pay about $5 per box for it. I have done it in the past but recently discovered that you can buy the cheese powder at Bulk Barn and got a friend to bring me back a bag of it. Just add the MAC and I got me some Mac and Cheese. I think you have to be Canadian to truly appreciate KD.

    They are much healthier here than back in North America. I’m HUGE by Dutch standards (while also considered very short in this land of giants), but back in Cape Breton I’d be sorta fat but also pretty normal.

    Only started getting Smarties here in the last few years, same with Oreos and KitKat. A LOT of North American stuff can’t be found here. I miss my HOSTESS!! Although, it’s prob best I can’t get a lot of that stuff here. Oh my kingdom for some Harvey’s Poutine.

    Hey see, I don’t even have my jaws wired shut and I still feel your pain haha Neither of us can eat the stuff we REALLY want 😛

  3. You can’t buy KD over there? Shame! I bet that entire country is way healthier than us spoiled North Americans as a result. That reminds me of how you can’t buy Smarties in the U.S. I hope you at least have some variant of Smarties over there. 😮

    Rubik’s Cubes are surprisingly easy to solve once you memorize the algorithms! I almost feel like I’m cheating when I use them though. It kinda kills the puzzling side of it all, ya’know?

  4. My husband is also learning to solve the cube at the moment. I get a lot of dirty looks and grumbles if I walk in and try to talk to him while he’s concentrating on the algorithms. He’s big into robotics and wants to make a robot that solves the cube.

    Could you not blend Kraft Dinner or would that go slimey and gross? I saw you mention it in a previous blog. You know you can’t buy that here? It’s so frustrating. Although people here wouldn’t eat it, my husband thinks it’s the most disgusting thing he’s ever seen. I guess coming from the land of cheese, the processed cheese in KD is pretty revolting. Oh well, means I never have to share!

  5. Is the original one the same one that I linked to? That’s the only one I’ve ever seen on TV.

    God bless late-night infomercials.

  6. No offence but nobody could beat the charm and wit of the original Magic Bullet infomercial. It’s a late-night masterpiece.

  7. No idea. Good Swiss food?

    I know they have fantastic deals every once in awhile.

  8. There was a Swiss Chalet in Buffalo, where I lived for a couple years before moving here. I never went. What’s the draw?

  9. I put it in 4 cups because I eat it all at once, so I never need to reheat it.

    Someone on Facebook is blending up meals from Swiss Chalet. That sounds delicious.

    …but not as delicious as the bacon and onions my roommate is frying up right now. Dang!

  10. Absolutely, and once you learn that, you can do a 2×2 as well. It’s like a bonus.

  11. You’d need a different jawline to be Vince.

    I’m glad to hear that you’ve gained back a little weight! I’m not sure what your water consumption is like, but the high-sodium soups may be impacting how much you’re retaining. Here’s hoping you make your goal sans stretch marks.

    Why do you pour the soup into four individual cups? Wouldn’t it make more sense to keep the rest in the pot for easy reheating?

  12. Yep! I figured I should start with the classic 3×3. That’s a smart move, right?

  13. Haha, welcome to the dark side of the rubik’s cube. I’ve been working on solving the 4×4 i got for chirstmas, cause I have nothing better to do in Sask. Good luck with cube.

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