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Day 78: Oral Warfare

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

You have a working jaw. You’re able to move it back and forth and from side to side. I do not have a working jaw. Today’s mugshot demonstrates exactly how far to the side I can swing my lower jaw right now. I can open my mouth almost as wide as I was able to before the surgery though, so there’s no doubt in my mind that my full, natural range of motion will one day decide to revisit this mouth of mine.… Continue reading

Day 76: Olives

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Current side profile.

All of my swelling has now¬†dissipated, so that’s the side profile I’m going to live with for the rest of my life. I’m content with how it has decided to turn out. No more underbite.

I went to the Olive Garden with a good friend for dinner last night. She forced me to make an attempt at eating chicken, breadsticks and salad. Lo and behold, I could eat all 3 of those things!… Continue reading

Day 74: Like A Horse

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

My tongue is lacking in range these days.

Ya’know how some people have cool little “body tricks” they’re able to perform? I’m talking about movements such as bending your elbow backwards, rolling your tongue, wiggling your ears or flaring your nostrils. I’ve never been able to perform any of those cute tricks for anyone. What I could do, however, was lick my nose (yes, like a cow). Since surgery, I’ve lost severe mobility in my tongue.… Continue reading

Day 72: Cage Fighting

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Twisted Corona: entertaining guests since 2004.

That’s the second twisted Corona bottle I bought during my trip to Mexico back in 2004. The first one broke approximately 5 minutes after I purchased it. I also learned, during that episode, that the bottle is filled with colored water, despite being priced as if it were filled with real beer.

I’m still eating as much as I possibly can each and every day. I learned, upon weighing myself at the gym today, that I’m now 178 lbs.… Continue reading

Day 70: Polished Balls

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

I’m makin’ CHILI!

Do you know what the single greatest item in this life is? I’ll give you one guess, and one guess only. Alright, your time is up! The correct answer is: solid food.

Over the past few days, I’ve eaten as much as I possibly can. I went for breakfast over the weekend with some good friends and made an attempt at bacon, eggs and pancakes. I ordered my meal 20 minutes before the rest of the table, and I still finished eating 30 minutes after everybody else.… Continue reading

Day 68: Jaw Surgery X-Rays

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

I ate a few Premium Plus crackers the other day. Question: Do you know what it’s like to be able to bite a cracker with your front teeth ahead of your bottom teeth? It’s incredible. You don’t even have to tear things apart when your teeth are where they’re supposed to be!

The one thing that I currently find extremely frustrating is the fact that, when I eat, I’m constantly chewing on my cheeks. I’ve yet to get used to this foreign mouth the doctors installed in me.… Continue reading

Day 66: The Fortress of Ensure Strikes Back!

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Guess who ate Kraft Dinner last night!

I attempted to eat a bowl of Kraft Dinner last night. My experience was less than optimal, resulting in a feeling of nausea. I guess my stomach just isn’t used to solid food anymore. Since the blender has been doing most of my digesting for me over the course of the past 9 weeks, I imagine my body has to get used to working for its nutrients once again (not that there are any nutrients in Kraft Dinner).… Continue reading

Day 64: It’s Time To Start Chewing Again

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Today’s mugshot is delivered straight from my comic-ridden office!

I was in a rush to go surprise my orthodontist with a visit this morning, so I forgot to take a mugshot at home. As a result, I give you a photo of myself hard at work, compliments of the less than desirable camera on my cell phone. “Are your walls plastered with comics?”, you ask, curious about all of the important documents I have pinned up. Why yes, yes they are.… Continue reading

Day 62: Multitasking Fail

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Elastics, elastics, elastics.

Big news: Two of my teeth on the right side of my mouth are now touching throughout the day! I have those annoying little elastics to thank for a job well done. They may be the bane of my existence, but they’re also putting out in a big way. I took the liberty of sticking one of them on my face so you can see just how tiny they really are. That small piece of stretchable genius goes around 5 teeth at a time.… Continue reading

Day 60: Phantom Drooling

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Guess whose teeth are touching… sorta!

Have you ever heard of phantom limbs? When someone has a limb amputated, they will often attempt to use it ever after it’s gone because their brain has not yet registered its absence. You may also experience this strange phenomenon if you sleep on your arm all night long, thereby cutting the circulation off. There have been many times when I’ve awoken and attempted to turn my alarm off. After a few frustrating seconds, I’ll look down and realize that, despite having felt my arm move to the clock, it really hasn’t moved at all.… Continue reading