MonthApril 2010

Day 19: Happily Depressed

  • Pain: 1/10
  • Inconvenience: 5/10

Today’s mugshot is guest starring my rock climbing shoes. That will be one of the first sports I get back into once I regain my energy. You’ll notice my facial expression is the same in almost every photo I take. It’s extremely difficult to twist your face into different expressions when it’s numb. Trust me.

I’m able to talk a lot more now. I wouldn’t call myself chatty quite yet, but I’m feeling a bit more … Continue reading

Day 18: Free Donut Friday

  • Pain: 3/10 (I put new elastics on last night. They’re much tighter and, as a result, my teeth hurt today. It feels much the same as a visit to the orthodontist does.)
  • Inconvenience: 5/10

Dear Mr. Guitar:

I look forward to singing along to your beautiful music again in a few months. I apologize for neglecting you lately.

Love Graham

Today is Free Donut Friday at work. Our site manager, an extremely nice man, brings in 3-4 boxes of donuts … Continue reading

Day 17: Morph Into A Canine. Check.

  • Pain: 1/10
  • Inconvenience: 5/10

Danger: Extremely flammable. Do not hold next to face.

I posed today with a tiny propane tank. It cleverly foreshadows the fact that I’ll be barbecuing like a banshee when I’m able. And yes, I understand “barbecuing like a banshee” isn’t an actual phrase. But guess what: it is now!

I brought blended soup to work with me today. I thought that having something with a little more pizazz than Ensure might make my day a … Continue reading

Day 16: I’m Aware I Look Like A Duck. Must You Remind Me?

  • Pain: 1/10
  • Inconvenience: 5/10

I’ve officially run out of creativity when it comes to my daily mugshots. A few of my friends were mocking me for my “MySpace angle” photos. I’ve since decided to start including an item of interest from my house in each picture–something I’ll make use of when this is all over. Today, I sat down with Nesquik. I look forward to many bowls of ice cream with chocolate sauce drizzled over the top once I’m able … Continue reading

Day 15: No, I Do Not Require Assistance While Bathing

  • Pain: 2/10
  • Inconvenience: 5/10

Look at that big, fat lip!

Edit: Today, work was much more bearable. I’m starting to feel a little better every morning.

I’m officially 30 lbs lighter than I was 2 weeks ago. Screw that bogus (and expensive) acai berry diet! If you really want to lose weight, just get your jaw wired shut. I will personally guarantee your results.

I just finished eating “lunch” here at work. Today, “lunch” consisted of 2 chocolate Ensure drinks, … Continue reading

Day 14: Kermit the Frog

  • Pain: 3/10
  • Inconvenience: 6/10

I’m hoping my lips will one day be proportional to the rest of my face again.

I went back to work today. It was exhausting. Allow me to describe my job to you:

  • I sit in a really comfortable chair all day
  • I attempt to break servers located all over the globe (we call it “Quality Engineering”–the idea is, if we break it before the customer has a chance to, we can remedy those weaknesses
Continue reading

Day 13: Shaving A Numb Face

  • Pain: 3/10
  • Inconvenience: 6/10

That’s the splint. It’s pure evil.

I shaved my face today. It usually takes me 5 minutes–today it took 30 minutes. It was one of the weirdest feelings I’ve ever experienced. I could feel the little hairs ripping out of my chin, but I couldn’t actually feel the blade moving across my skin. I was in fear of slicing myself open the entire time. I must admit, though, it feels great to have a clean-shaven face. … Continue reading

Day 12: Prune Juice

  • Pain: 2/10
  • Inconvenience: 7/10

No matter what angle I take photos from, my lips dominate.

You can take your first gander at my swollen, unshaven side profile. Granted, my lips are huge and my cheeks are a little chubby, but you can clearly see that my lower jaw is set in behind my upper jaw.

I started blending Chunky soup yesterday. What a nice change of flavor from the tomato and cream of mushroom classics! It looked delicious before I … Continue reading

Day 11: References to Adult Humor

  • Pain: 3/10
  • Inconvenience: 7/10

Just as a heads up to my 120 or so committed daily readers (I didn’t even know that many people were interested in the inner workings of jaw surgery, haha), I may turn these daily updates into more of an every-other-day occurrence soon. Less and less is taking place regarding my recovery each day, so I’m only going to make a post if something has actually changed, or if I’ve had an appointment with my doctor.… Continue reading

Day 10: Just Add Peanut Butter

  • Pain: 5/10
  • Inconvenience: 7/10

That’s my friend, codeine.

We’re in the double digits now–Day 10. Sadly, today is the worst pain I’ve had thus far. My jaw has spent a good portion of the past 24 hours spasming. I’ll barely get it back into a comfortable position and it decides to jump out again. My elastics are, of course, extremely tight, so it’s difficult to move anything around. I’m still not entirely sure what purpose they serve. I can open … Continue reading