MonthMay 2010

Day 70: Polished Balls

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

I’m makin’ CHILI!

Do you know what the single greatest item in this life is? I’ll give you one guess, and one guess only. Alright, your time is up! The correct answer is: solid food.

Over the past few days, I’ve eaten as much as I possibly can. I went for breakfast over the weekend with some good friends and made an attempt at bacon, eggs and pancakes. I ordered my meal 20 minutes before the rest of the table, and I still finished eating 30 minutes after everybody else.… Continue reading

Day 68: Jaw Surgery X-Rays

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

I ate a few Premium Plus crackers the other day. Question: Do you know what it’s like to be able to bite a cracker with your front teeth ahead of your bottom teeth? It’s incredible. You don’t even have to tear things apart when your teeth are where they’re supposed to be!

The one thing that I currently find extremely frustrating is the fact that, when I eat, I’m constantly chewing on my cheeks. I’ve yet to get used to this foreign mouth the doctors installed in me.… Continue reading

Day 66: The Fortress of Ensure Strikes Back!

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Guess who ate Kraft Dinner last night!

I attempted to eat a bowl of Kraft Dinner last night. My experience was less than optimal, resulting in a feeling of nausea. I guess my stomach just isn’t used to solid food anymore. Since the blender has been doing most of my digesting for me over the course of the past 9 weeks, I imagine my body has to get used to working for its nutrients once again (not that there are any nutrients in Kraft Dinner).… Continue reading

Day 64: It’s Time To Start Chewing Again

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Today’s mugshot is delivered straight from my comic-ridden office!

I was in a rush to go surprise my orthodontist with a visit this morning, so I forgot to take a mugshot at home. As a result, I give you a photo of myself hard at work, compliments of the less than desirable camera on my cell phone. “Are your walls plastered with comics?”, you ask, curious about all of the important documents I have pinned up. Why yes, yes they are.… Continue reading

Day 62: Multitasking Fail

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Elastics, elastics, elastics.

Big news: Two of my teeth on the right side of my mouth are now touching throughout the day! I have those annoying little elastics to thank for a job well done. They may be the bane of my existence, but they’re also putting out in a big way. I took the liberty of sticking one of them on my face so you can see just how tiny they really are. That small piece of stretchable genius goes around 5 teeth at a time.… Continue reading

Day 60: Phantom Drooling

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

Guess whose teeth are touching… sorta!

Have you ever heard of phantom limbs? When someone has a limb amputated, they will often attempt to use it ever after it’s gone because their brain has not yet registered its absence. You may also experience this strange phenomenon if you sleep on your arm all night long, thereby cutting the circulation off. There have been many times when I’ve awoken and attempted to turn my alarm off. After a few frustrating seconds, I’ll look down and realize that, despite having felt my arm move to the clock, it really hasn’t moved at all.… Continue reading

Day 58: The Repressed Memories of a Young Pirate

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

My smile is slowly returning!

I met with my surgeon again yesterday. Our little shindigs are full of good news these days, so I look forward to each one of them. He assured me, once again, that I was healing quite well, and told me not to worry about any lack of feeling in my chin and lips for at least another month. I also learned the following:

  • I’m finally allowed to blow my nose, but I have to be gentle about it so that I don’t pop any blood vessels.
Continue reading

Day 56: Life Is Getting Better

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 2/10

♫ I’m bringing home a baby bumblebee…

Lately, I’ve been finding bees in my place. Yesterday, I discovered a wasp crawling around in the laundry room and a bumblebee on a little adventure across the kitchen floor. I killed the wasp, because they’re evil little creatures, but I scooped up the bumblebee and set it free on a dandelion in the backyard. As soon as it could see the flower (or weed, depending who you’re talking to), it flew over to it, stuck its tongue out and started sucking up the delicious nectar.… Continue reading

Day 54: Restaurants Are Cheaper When You Don’t Eat

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 3/10

This is the current state of my teeth. They’re big, they’re prominent and they’re no longer the victims of a class 3 malocclusion. I find it difficult to wrap my upper lip around them when I attempt to smile, and they still hit the brackets on my bottom teeth before my molars ever come into contact with each other. However, this is still Graham 2.0. So get used to it.

I’ve readjusted into my liquid diet routine and am no longer counting the days until I can eat solid food again.Continue reading

Day 52: Catch-22

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

If I open my mouth any wider, my elastics will snap. So this is all you get!

I’m not sure if you can see the appliance in the roof of my mouth or not, but it looks exactly like the picture below. Its sole purpose is to restrict my upper palette from narrowing. How long it will remain in service is a question that attracts different responses depending on whom it is directed to. If you speak with my surgeon, he’ll tell you it’s only necessary for 1 more month.… Continue reading