MonthApril 2010

Day 39: Money, Feeling and Fatherhood

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

This is how wide I can currently open my mouth.

Today, I’d like to talk about money, feeling and the misconception in my workplace that I’m a father of three.

In common fashion, we’ll begin at the beginning: money. People are continually asking me how much money I’m saving by not eating. The reality of it is that I’m not saving any money at all. Ensure drinks are a minimum of $2 each, and soup isn’t cheap either (unless you make it yourself, I suppose).… Continue reading

Day 38: Graduation Day Is May 10th!

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

Mini Mini Mini Mini Wheats! (Remember the catchy tune from the commercial?)

Mini Wheats. One of my favorite types of cereal. I like the fact that they only have frosting on one side–it makes them well-rounded. They’re a little bit about fun and a little bit about health. We have a jumbo-sized box of them in our kitchen. Oh, how I long to have a big bowl of Mini Wheats on a Saturday morning…

My posts from the past few days have definitely been lacking, but today I have some exciting updates!… Continue reading

Day 37: Cheeks Like A Rock Golem

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

I can *kind of* raise one eyebrow, right?

I’m happy to report I got through the entire day yesterday without snapping any elastics! However, I said a lot more than I usually do, so I went to bed with ridiculously swollen cheeks. They’re as hard as granite right now. It’s like having the face of a rock golem.

I took the liberty of creating a page to provide answers to several common questions I’ve received regarding jaw surgery.… Continue reading

Day 36: Spider Legs and Impure Thoughts

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

My favorite type of chips are Sun Chips. Most people think they’re less than appealing, but I love them. I walked into the grocery store last night after work to pick up the essentials: milk, yogurt and bananas. Ya’know, the few items I would most likely perish without. You’ll never guess what the big display in the entryway was showcasing. That’s right: Sun Chips. 12 vertical feet of them, too. I received several weird looks as I continuously snapped pictures with my 80s-era cell phone in an attempt to get both my face and the chips in the same frame, but it was worth it just to show the sheer magnitude of the mountain of chips I’m not allowed to eat.… Continue reading

Day 35: Aunt Jemima and Old Beans

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

Aunt Jemima makes me smile. Her pancakes and syrup have brought joy to my heart many times in my short life. I know that some people disapprove of my undying love for the lady because her products may not be as natural as others, but I’ll stand by her anyway. The wonderful thing about pancakes is that I can eat them as soon as I get my splint out because they’re considered soft food. I have a serious date with Aunt Jemima’s cooking, and it’s happening in 3 weeks.… Continue reading

Day 34: Fully Loaded Man

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

I finally bought a Rubik’s Cube. It took me 24 years, but I found one (not that I’ve been actively searching for that long). It’s coming to work with me tomorrow and I’m going to learn how to solve it. I know there are a few simple algorithms you can follow to solve these little boxes of joy in mere seconds, and I want to know them. So, dear Rubik’s Cube, you shall have your 6¬†colors¬†gracefully aligned within the next 24 hours.… Continue reading

Day 33: Free Checkups In Walmart

  • Pain: 0/0
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

Sadness ensues.

So I was at Walmart yesterday to pick up a few things and I stumbled upon their display of ridiculously large boxes of Smarties. I decided to take a photo with yet another awesome part of life that I’m unable to enjoy at the moment. I’m trying to look sad in the picture, in case my facial expression isn’t doing this shot justice.

I also ran into another facial surgeon during my shopping spree! I was standing in the oatmeal aisle, as you do, and a random man looked at me and said, “Orthognathic surgery, eh?” as he passed by.… Continue reading

Day 32: Don’t Break the Law

  • Pain: 0/0
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

Today’s mugshot frames my current side profile, just over a month post-op. My lips are slowly returning to a more manageable state. I also have a substantial amount of feeling back in the right side of my chin, but for some reason, the left side is still as numb as it was on Day 1. Hopefully this unbalanced state of affairs straightens itself out soon.

I have a few concerns about my face at this point:

  • Crooked nose — My surgeon has assured me that it will straighten out once all the swelling disappears.
Continue reading

Day 31: No Pain, All Gain

  • Pain: 0/10
  • Inconvenience: 4/10

The bane of my existence.

I found some courage and took a very unflattering shot of the splint that I continually whine over. As you can see, it’s fairly large and stretches all the way to the back of my mouth. The grooves my bottom teeth rest in can be faintly made out as well. If you squint a little bit, you’ll notice a little white spec in the center of my top lip. That’s a stitch, and it enjoys catching on my braces.… Continue reading

Day 30: The Weekly Soup Rations

  • Pain: 2/10
  • Inconvenience: 5/10

I figured out how to prevent the severe lacerations my lips have been receiving as of late. If I simply puff my cheeks out like a blowfish constantly throughout the day, my cheeks and the inside of the mouth all pop off my braces. It’s a weird feeling though, when the metal braces and hooks tear out of your flesh. It hurts a little bit each and every time.

I thought I’d be able to post the coveted 0/10 pain rating today, but that’s just not happening.… Continue reading